Asking for Mechilla Is Preferable to Relying on Unilateral Forgiveness

It is a good idea to ask mechilla from anyone you may have offended, even if you know they forgive everyone each night before sleep or when reciting Tefillah Zakkah before Yom Kippur.

The reason is that there is a machlokes (dispute) as to whether a person’s unilateral forgiveness, offered without the offender requesting it, fully suffices for the offender to achieve atonement for interpersonal wrongdoing.

On one hand, the very inclusion of statements of unilateral forgiveness in Krias Shema al ha-Mitah and Tefillah Zakkah suggests that such forgiveness carries at least some degree of efficacy.

We even find in Talmud Bavli (Megillah 28a) and the Talmud Yerushalmi (Shevi’is 28b-29a) examples of sages who extended forgiveness unilaterally, implying that such acts hold value.

However, Yoma 87a teaches that Rabbi Zeira and Rav would make themselves available for those who had wronged them to ask mechilla. Some explain that this suggests that even if unilateral forgiveness has some effect, it may not achieve the full measure of atonement that comes from personally requesting mechilla.

Therefore, it is best to ask the other person for forgiveness directly whenever possible.

Finally, in addition to asking forgiveness from the person we wronged, we must also do teshuva before Hashem.